Intimate partner violence
(IPV) profoundly affects multiple life domains for the people involved. We
report on the experiences of Dutch mothers of various ethnic backgrounds
regarding their parenting during and after IPV, their perceptions of the
influence of IPV on their parenting, as well as their need for and experiences
with support services. We conducted qualitative interviews with 100 mothers in
the Netherlands who had experienced IPV. Most reported negative experiences
with parenting (both during and after the IPV), a strong effect of the IPV on
their parenting, as well as circumstances that aggravated this effect. The
mothers had used multiple sources of formal and informal support. Although most
evaluated the support that they had received positively, some also mentioned
mixed or negative experiences. Many were still in need of support. Relationships
with ethnic background and the severity of IPV are discussed...
In line with findings from several previous studies
(Hungerford et al. 2012; Levendosky et al. 2000), the majority of the mothers in this
study reported negative experiences with parenting, both during and—though to a
lesser extent—after the IPV period. At the time of the interview, more than a
quarter of the mothers mentioned being unable to cope with parenting, either
incidentally or continuously. In their narratives, there was a strong
relationship between the IPV and parenting difficulties (in line with previous
studies; Buehler and Gerard 2002; Krishnakumar and Buehler 2000; Letourneau et al. 2011). The severity of the IPV appeared to be
related to more negative parenting experiences, and difficulty shielding
children from the violence during the IPV period, as well as to parenting
problems after the IPV period. In their narratives about how IPV influenced
their parenting, mothers emphasized determinants similar to Belsky (1984): child and parent characteristics,
sources of stress and support. They mentioned behavior problems of their
children as a consequence of the IPV (remarkably mainly emphasized in the after
IPV period), diminished personal wellbeing (e.g., mentally, physically, financially)
and stress due to the IPV, as well as lack of support by the fathers (e.g., no
involvement, undermining behavior, negative parenting practices, legal issues,
problems with visiting arrangements), as well as by others in their informal
network (especially during the IPV period).
Issues with fathers concerning co-parenting and custody have
also been reported in other studies about parenting after divorce in IPV
situations (Edleson and Williams 2007; Hardesty et al. 2008; Walker et al.2004). Hardesty and Chung (2006) emphasize the impact of the dominant
assumption (within both the legal system and public opinion) that maintaining a
relationship with the father is in the best interest of the child. Because of
this assumption, mothers’ attempts to protect themselves and their children are
often overlooked and undermined, possibly increasing their fear of
co-parenting. Our findings are comparable to these results. The mothers in our
study reported feelings of being trapped between institutional demands to keep
their children safe and the requirement to allow the children contact with
their fathers. The limited previous studies that focus on fathering in IPV
families confirm that father’s involvement and parenting skills in this context
are reduced (Edleson and Williams 2007; Holden and Ritchie 1991).
The fact that mothers’ parenting problems decrease but do
not disappear after IPV has ended might be explained by the prolonged impact of
IPV on the wellbeing of both mothers and children. The finding that problems
with children became more apparent after the IPV period might be related to the
dominance of the violence during the IPV, which does not leave much room for
sensitivity to the children’s problem signals.
In addition to negative effects of IPV, Levendosky and
colleagues (2000) mention positive effects that IPV can
have on the parenting of mothers. The mothers in the current study did not
explicitly refer to any positive effects. They nevertheless mentioned that they
had developed coping strategies for protecting their children from the IPV (or
the negative consequences thereof). Strategies employed during the IPV period
included avoiding quarrels, sending children away, paying them extra attention,
and seeking external help. Strategies adopted after the IPV period included
talking about the IPV, emphasizing that their children should not blame
themselves, teaching their children that IPV is not normal, offering peace and
structure, and stressing the importance of assertiveness in daughters and
empathy and respect in sons. As the latter was not always modeled by the
mothers and fathers, these goals will not necessarily be achieved (Parke 1996). Nevertheless, following Levendosky et
al., such strategies can be classified as positive effects on parenting, in
that mothers “mobilized their resources to respond to the violence on behalf of
their children” (2000, p. 266).
We identified some differences in parenting practices
(including coping strategies), specifically with regard to the period after the
IPV. Turkish mothers were most likely to report negative parenting experiences.
This finding might have been influenced by in-group collectivism and a lack of
support. Within communities in which greater value is attached to family
collectivism, there is a stronger tendency to endure violent relationships and
to avoid airing one’s dirty laundry (see also Kasturirangan et al. 2004; Yerden 2008). This tendency was especially prevalent
among the Turkish, Moroccan, and Hindustani-Surinamese mothers. This finding
could be related to the stronger patriarchal culture and collectivism of these
ethnic groups, as compared to the more individualistic or matriarchal nature of
the Dutch, Afro-Surinamese, and Antillean groups (see also Merz et al. 2009). The Turkish community especially is
known for its high level of collectivism and tight internal bonding (Gijsberts
and Dagevos 2009). In addition, mothers’ history of
immigration may affect the support they can invoke. A relatively high
percentage of the Turkish mothers were new immigrants. Newly arrived mothers
may have smaller networks and may be less informed about their rights as
victims and available support services.
Other more general barriers to finding/seeking support that
were mentioned by mothers included financial barriers, psychological barriers,
and previous negative experiences. These findings are consistent with those
reported by Rodriguez and colleagues (2009). Mothers eventually used multiple
sources of informal and formal support. The majority of these mothers judged
the support that they had received positively, but mixed or negative
experiences were mentioned as well. Most of the mothers from all ethnic groups
had experienced more positive support from their families after the IPV period
than during this period. With regard to formal support, mothers were most
negative about forced support, and they were most positive about easily
accessible forms of parental support in places where they feel comfortable and
know the people, e.g., support provided by schools and GPs...
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at:
- 1Free University, Amsterdam, The Netherlands ; Verwey Jonker Institute, Utrecht, The Netherlands.
- 2University of Amsterdam, PO Box 15780, 1001 NG Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
- 3Verwey Jonker Institute, Utrecht, The Netherlands.
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